I have to start writing my thoughts down before I forget them. I’ve been thinking a lot these past few weeks about things I’ve learned in class, about social environment, the process of behavior, what influences you, and our perception of reality. Our reality is everything we experience and learn throughout life, we can never stop learning even if its unintentional. We take in the world as we see through our eyes and create a reality that fits the social environment around us. This has been on my mind for awhile, perception is reality and how you perceive the world and it’s expectation can be limiting or limitless. I’ve notice how people can be comfortable at where they’re at and how others strive for more, while others complain about their situation and how others would find a way to fix it or improve themselves.
During my journey, I’ve lived in both the inner and outer world. The inner world is my unconscious mind; my thoughts, my beliefs, my feelings, and my ideas and the outer world is the real world, the people, the material objects, what I see through eyes. I’ve always question my existence in the outer world, how behavior in one situation is unacceptable in another, observing others and learning from experiences. I never thought about anything else outside of my comfort zone, like what is out there for me or to explore new things. I was just satisfied with were I’m at until I had this life changing situation, where all these thoughts just popped up out of no where in my mind. It was thoughts about the future, what am I going to do? Where am I headed in life? How will I get there? I never realize these thoughts until now and at that time, I didn’t know what to do. I was just lost in my outer world with no meaning, just wandering around looking for an answer. It wasn’t until I started to slowly isolate my self from everyone and think about what am I going to do? As I started to think more about what to do, I realize I should start trying to understand myself before I make a move.
I started to look deeper inside myself and observe what went on in my mind, observing my qualities and trying to understand the way I think. I was analyzing everything I need to know about myself, just looking at every possible aspect in my mind and questioning myself. Everything I learned in the past, I just threw it all away and started observing what was going on in both worlds. I wasn’t on a journey to find myself, I was on a journey to create myself! I started to observe and analyze my inner world and trying to create a balance between both world. Right now, there is a part in my mind that I still can’t access . I’ve always try and open this door in my mind but some how it’s always blocked off by some barrier. I have no idea what’s inside but it feels like I experienced it before, I don’t know when or how but all I know is that, there is a part of my mind that I still can access. At one point I was able to open that door, it was the time I did shrooms on the beach.
When I was on shrooms, I felt the whole worlds energy all around me, it was this indescribable feeling that I had and I was so overwhelmed with this sensational feeling of positive energy. I felt the energy from everyone around me, I felt the vibe of the whole beach and through out the whole experience it felt like I was living in the moment. It felt like each moment was better then the last, I sat on the beach observing each passing moment to the point where I had a realization about life. Learn to let go, this is what came to mind and it’s funny because I had no idea where it came from. It was like my mind whispered it out of nowhere and I just started to think about it. Learn to let go, I kept repeating it in my head over and over until I finally understood it. I’ve always been attach to things and carry it around with me, so to me, in order to move forward you must first cut the weight of what’s holding you back. Learn to let go, it’s such a simple meaning yet there’s more to it. Each time I thought about it, I started to think about what I held on too. Learn to let go of anything that causes you distress, learn to let go of the anxiety you have of the future, and most importantly, learn to let go of the bad things that happened. I can’t believe those four words had such a powerful meaning for me, just letting go of everything and accepting things for what it is now is just one small step for me. I have no idea what I’m aiming for or what’s out there, I’m just waiting to see what will happen next.