LITERALLY, out of my MIND!

I have to start writing my thoughts down before I forget them.  I’ve been thinking a lot these past few weeks about things I’ve learned in class, about social environment, the process of behavior, what influences you, and our perception of reality.  Our reality is everything we experience and learn throughout life, we can never stop learning even if its unintentional.   We take in the world as we see through our eyes and create a reality that fits the social environment around us.  This has been on my mind for awhile, perception is reality and how you perceive the world and it’s expectation can be limiting or limitless.  I’ve notice how people can be comfortable at where they’re at and how others strive for more, while others complain about their situation and how others would find a way to fix it or improve themselves.

During my journey,  I’ve lived in both the inner and outer world.  The inner world is my unconscious mind; my thoughts, my beliefs, my feelings, and my ideas  and the outer world is the real world, the people, the material objects, what I see through eyes.  I’ve always question my existence in the outer world, how behavior in one situation is unacceptable in another, observing others and learning from experiences.  I never thought about anything else outside of my comfort zone, like what is out there for me or to explore new things.  I was just satisfied with were I’m at until I had this life changing situation, where all these thoughts just popped up out of no where in my mind.  It was thoughts about the future, what am I going to do? Where am I headed in life? How will I get there?  I never realize these thoughts until now and at that time, I didn’t know what to do.  I was just lost in my outer world with no meaning, just wandering around looking for an answer.  It wasn’t until I started to slowly isolate my self from everyone and think about what am I going to do?  As I started to think more about what to do, I realize I should start trying to understand myself before I make a move.

I started to look deeper inside myself and observe what went on in my mind, observing my qualities and trying to understand the way I think.  I was analyzing everything I need to know about myself, just looking at every possible aspect in my mind and questioning myself.  Everything I learned in the past, I just threw it all away and started observing what was going on in both worlds.  I wasn’t on a journey to find myself, I was on a journey to create myself!  I started to observe and analyze my inner world and trying to create a balance between both world.  Right now, there is a part in my mind that I still can’t access .  I’ve always try and open this door in my mind but some how it’s always blocked off by some barrier.  I have no idea what’s inside but it feels like I experienced it before, I don’t know when or how but all I know is that, there is a part of my mind that I still can access.  At one point I was able to open that door, it was the time I did shrooms on the beach.

When I was on shrooms, I felt the whole worlds energy all around me, it was this indescribable feeling that I had and I was so overwhelmed with this sensational feeling of positive energy.  I felt the energy from everyone around me, I felt the vibe of the whole beach and through out the whole experience it felt like I was living in the moment.  It felt like each moment was better then the last, I sat on the beach observing each passing moment to the point where I had a realization about life.  Learn to let go, this is what came to mind and it’s funny because I had no idea where it came from.  It was like my mind whispered it out of nowhere and I just started to think about it.  Learn to let go, I kept repeating it in my head over and over until I finally understood it.  I’ve always been attach to things and carry it around with me, so to me, in order to move forward you must first cut the weight of what’s holding you back.  Learn to let go, it’s such a simple meaning yet there’s more to it.  Each time I thought about it, I started to think about what I held on too.  Learn to let go of anything that causes you distress, learn to let go of the anxiety you have of the future, and most importantly, learn to let go of the bad things that happened.  I can’t believe those four words had such a powerful meaning for me,  just letting go of everything and accepting things for what it is now is just one small step for me.  I have no idea what I’m aiming for or what’s out there, I’m just waiting to see what will happen next.

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Off Topic! Random! What goes on in my MIND!!!

Man, I wish I had time to write about this whole new movement that’s going on, but I decided this blog is just going to be about random things.  I just felt like writing right now, so now I’m asking myself,” Chang, what are you going to write about?”  Well, I’m thinking about moving to SoCal and I told myself two years but it seem like I might move there early then expected.  The job I have will let me transfer to any SoCal office and I can always continue school there, I only need one more year to graduate.  After graduation I was planning to either take a break or continue to get my Masters in Occupational therapy and most of the school are in SoCal.  So, this can be a good thing about moving early,  I can get adjusted there and prepare myself for the grueling and intensiveness of, GRADUATE SCHOOL!  Well, I don’t know if it’s going to be intensive but I like to think of it being that way so I can prepare myself for the worst.

As for the projects I’ve been working on, I’m still working on it.  I read from A book written by David Eagleman “Incognito,” that your mind never stop working.  Each thought and idea are produce unconsciously but we are just not aware of it on the surface.  We may think that an idea can spontaneously be thought up but really, its our unconscious mind who took in everything that we perceived and produce thoughts and idea of our perception.  So, I still think about my project and I know I really, really, want to work on it but I haven’t found the time just yet.  Or maybe I do have time but just need to organize myself a lot better. 

But going back to the unconscious mind that keeps going, I actually believe that to be true and It’s that other 90% that we can’t use (just yet but I think there is a way to understand the unconscious mind)  Maybe through meditation and understanding oneself can help you further enter that domain.  Sorry, I’m pretty sure that last part makes no sense but I’m into Buddhism and their teaching of spiritual enlightenment.  I’ll just end it here, I have to finish this paper,

GOT TO STOP PROCRASINATING!!!!!

Creative, Artistic, Motivated, Bright, Originality

I always like to express my ideas, like how we are all connected by one source, energy. Sometimes my thoughts can be just random blabs about random blah but writing things down and then reading it helps me understand the way I think.  I wonder what would happen if we had more creative mind in Asian American culture, were we are able to blend modern America with old tradition from our homeland, what if a movie came out based on the modern Asian American lifestyle. From what I seen so far many Asian American doesn’t portray the stereotype that the media put on us. We all don’t know Kung Fu or karate, we are not just Chinese or Japanese.

We are a very diverse group that should be represented individually, but for now we are Asian American and it is up to the creative minds of individual to help lay the foundation for Cambodian American, Laotian American, Hmong American, and so on. It is up to us to speak out and teach other how unique our cultures are. It’s up to us to show that Asian American aren’t the stereotype the media portray onto us. We all have something that makes us unique from the rest and it’s time for the world to see it!

I know everyone wants to have something that represent who they are or where they come from.  For me, I’m going to make that dream a reality.  I’ve been thinking of a concept that both represent Cambodian and American.  After just years of thinking ( 3 years to be exact), I came up with, what i believe is a really good logo/concept, is KR. 

KR can mean so many things, it can mean Khmer Rouge but that’s not what it’s going to represent.  Its going to represent to the new Cambodian-Generation that is looking for a way to be part of American society.  I’m not saying this is Cambodian-American but it’s how we can create something that defines us.  Khmer Revolution, was my main idea.  But that’s my meaning.  I want everyone to have their own and I know it’s possible because two simple letters can represent infinite meaning.  Whether it’s good or bad, how you reflect upon it, how it makes you feel, or have it be just two letter you don’t care about.

As of right now, I’ve been playing around with photoshop and just barley getting used to the tools.  It’s going to take some time before I can actually have something to show ( other then that header i made for this site, which i think is awesome!) but right now, its going to take sometime.  Once I’m done with school or it depends if i decide to go to grad school or not, I’ll be able to focus more on my projects.  I’ll try to post what I’m working on from time to time just to keep everyone updated.

Cambodian-American? Sub-Culture?

Growing up, I’ve never been into my own culture.  I just went along with whoever i was influence by whether its friends or family, i just wanted to fit in.  I’ve always hung around different crowds and know how to adjust to the normality of society, during those time, I just felt misplace and I started to question myself, is this really who I am? Which group do I belong too?

Maybe it’s because of Cambodian New Years I started to think about my own culture.  How i feel like I just don’t fit that description of being Cambodian, I mean, how do you look Cambodian? Or act Cambodian at least.  How does being Cambodian fit into western society?  I’ve always thought about this, some choose to be very Americanize while other hold on to their roots.  I want to be both, I want to be Cambodian-American.  I just thought that since I was born into the American system but raised in a traditional Cambodian home, I should be both.

I started to think about other Cambodian people i know and how they fit the description of being Cambodian.  I started to observe the community, other Cambodians and how they behave.  I started to take mental notes in my head, trying to figure out what set me apart from them.  I know that a culture always shares a common characteristics, and the characteristics for Cambodian that came in mind for me was that, We are very “independent” and “stubborn.”  We want to do things ourselves, seeking help only when we know all else have failed.

I’m not saying this is everyone but my own opinion and if anyone want to start a debate about it then I’ll be happy too.  Email me at Siririthmeas@gmail.com

What I want to do from now own is to develop a sub-culture, something that would bring Cambodian-American together and give each other the support we need.  There is a similar interest that we, as Cambodian-American, love to do.  But i don’t know it yet and actually need help finding it (LOL).  So from here on out, I’m asking whoever is reading this blog to email me about something anything, what would bring us together and create a more structural culture that would be able to adjust to both Cambodian and American culture.

I have this project I’m working on, keep checking my blogs for more updates =D